Creating An Achor On The Other Side of Sorrow

It's funny because when I wrote my first post about my IVF journey I didn't actually think about what it would do. I just kind of put it out into the world because I guess it's just a part of my life now and I felt like it's an important aspect of it.

I didn't come from a place of sadness or a place of wanting people to feel bad for me. Really, I just wanted to share. I got some beautiful responses. It also opened a door for people to share with me their obstacle of bringing children to the world, freezing eggs because of their age, or even wondering when they would find a relationship.

That's when I realized that everyone is going through their own ongoing life obstacles while also living this "double life" of the mundane every day- investing most of their time climbing the corporate ladder, running a business, pondering what career to choose, fulfilling life as an artist, studying or anything else you can think of. The IVF journey has been my obstacle-almost a parallel universe that I am also living alongside my regular daily life of running a business.

As you guys know, Ori and I both work full-time jobs. Ori a programmer at a successful Israeli Startup, and I run my own business and also lead the marketing team at a new food company. On the side, Ori and I both love the easy-going lifestyle (one day we plan on traveling the world this way)-- Slacklining by the beach during sunsets, circusing around with our Midburn family Cirque du Shlapy, and going to festivals abroad and in Israel are all things that fill our weekends all year round.

What has saved me and kept me sane during these hard times of hormone injections, anger tantrums, sinking into depression, and constant hospital visits have been the memories I am creating with my partner and with our community on a daily basis. An outlet, if you will, that is keeping my life in balance between pain and gratitude, between my obstacle and my daily life. Not a week goes by without me spending at least one sunset at our slackline community spot in Beit Haetzel, or our Shlapy camp's meeting house where we practice aerial silks. During quarantine I was unable to go outside and do these things I love most but needless to say, these last two months have probably been the best two months of my recent years. Moreover, this quarantine period has made me turn inwards and see what a beautiful life Ori and I have created. It's crazy to say because I know there are so many people suffering right now- from a family member's death, a loss of a job, an overworked job on the front lines, juggling kids at home with a career, or simply those who are scared for their future.

I definitely feel blesses.

Ori and I are not in financial problems, we both kept our jobs that we are able to do because they are both considered essential (the only difference is that we both worked from home, and I spent some days on the roads). We live a 5-minute walk from the beach in probably the most magical area in Tel Aviv. We have two dogs that we've been taking on long walks through historic old Jaffa or the quiet streets of Shuk Hapishpeshim. Most importantly, our amazing rooftop has provided us with endless memories, both as a couple and with different friends that came to spend a night in our little paradise. We have a tripod made by our friend Chini that I hang my silks from, a slackline across the 5-meter fake grass that's stretched out along the roof lined with flowers and cacti, a little meditating corner with a constant sound of flowing water from our hydroponic system decorated by art that moves with the wind, and a basket full of endless toys that keeps us busy any hour of the day (a rug, yoga blocks, hula hoop, mini hang drum, watercolors, and canvas papers, jumping rope, foam rollers of all kinds, crystals, yoga mat, books, and beads and ropes.)

I haven't been going through continuous cycles of IVF because the process has unfortunately been stopped due to Corona Virus. This process was already a big obstacle, now it has just turned into a bigger obstacle, but it doesn't change the fact that it's only one obstacle in a life full of joy. Each of us has at least one obstacle that we deal with as a parallel universe to our daily lives. I can choose to concentrate on the stumbling blocks that are in my way or I can also choose to be grateful for all that I do have. My body has been clean of hormones for the last 4 months, my skin looks better, my smile is almost constant, I have an amazing family, and we have created a community of people I would give my life to. This pause-in-time during the Coronavirus has only helped me see clearly all the good that I have. We have created an anchor on the other side of sorrow. I have the most fulfilling life I can ever imagine- and it's all our creation.

As things start to open up again and the pace of life picks up, I am reminding myself that the magic we created these last two months is actually just a condensed look into the life we were already living prior to all this-- sometimes it's just hard to see because the obstacle facing us is standing in our way. I wish to preserve the special moments and continue to create new experiences and laughter even through the hard times and obstacles that come our way.